Priya was waiting for the flight to land, flight trips always made her sick. 2 more hrs to go, she thought to her self. She didn’t have anything in the flight (as always) as she feared that she might again throw up. She opened the seat tray placed her handbag and rested her head over it waiting for time to pass by. The thought that kept her going was she was seeing Rajiv after 16mths. She only spoke and chatted with him during this time. She was going thru mixed emotions.  She remembered how Rajiv had arrived at this plan after numerous scheming. Priya was never ready for it but Rajiv somehow managed to convince her this time.

P - No Rajiv!!, I dun think I can do this

R - Pls Pri, I really need to see you. It been 15 mths that I havent seen you

P - What will I tell at home

R - I have a plan

P - Rajiv you and your plans, do you know what u r asking for? Why dont u try coming down?

R - You know the scene here. I came here for a year and now the projects requires me to be here for another year. Projects deadlines are too tight. Pls atleast listen to what I have to say

P - Shoot !!

R -  Inform ur folks that you need to leave for an onsite due to job requirements

P - And !!! what about my work?

R - U too pitch in some ideas 

P - Lemme think, also i need to see if the reason will work at home.

Next morning Priya dropped a word to her folks abt the so called on-site trip. They didnt react much as Priya had her onsite trips 2-3 times a year. Priya thought to herself why didnt she think abt this plan earlier. On the way to work she thought what excuse can she give for her leave, cousin's marrige, out station, family function, personal reason. She spoke to her Boss abt her dear and closest cousin's marriage, for which she need to travel to Singapore. Reena promised that she will complete her pending projects and if required she will login for few hrs during her leave. She was asked to cut down her leave from 1mth to 15 days, she was happy thinking atleast her boss had agreed. She immediately texted Rajiv "Mission ontrack". Rajiv though was happy told Priya "but only 15 days, nevermind we'll find a solution to that too. Sweetheart quickly arrange your tickets and cant wait any longer"

Priya arranged her airfare and visa and Rajiv took care of all the pre requisite documents. She was only 20 days away from Rajiv. She got the best treatments for her hair and face done. Did all kinds of shopping, bougth few gifts for Rajiv.

Let her few close office friends know the actual plan just in case if her parents reach them or otherwise.

Friday arrived , Priya was beaming with happiness, her dad dropped her at the airport. She checked the depatured board the flight was on time. At the ticket counter she produced a air ticket t to AUSTRALIA, ( did i earlier mention SINGAPORE. Well she informed her parents by ther onsite to Singapore but she had a connecting flight from there to Australia). She got hold of her boarding pass and was smiling on the Singapore onsite idea by Rajiv. During her halt at Singapore she informed her parents that she has reached safely and will sleep once she reaches the hotel. She will call them tomorow from work as calling from hotel is expensive (Priya always called from office n not from her hotel on her onsite trips). She also called Rajiv and informed him that shortly she will be boarding her flight to Australia

We are about to land in next 20 mins .. Priya felt so good to hear that ... 20 minutes away from Rajiv. She was seeing him after 16 months, her mind were filled with thoughts like would he recognise me, m i looking nice, did i gain weight, shud i hug him when i see him. The flight landed , she completed her immigration formalities. She rushed to the rest room quickly splashed water on her face, brushed her hair, applied some lip balm and tells herself .. Not Bad and ran out to collect her luggage.

She finds only her luggage on the conveyor belt. "Did i take that much time"? She picked her luggage and placed it on the trolley and walked out. Priya looked around for Rajiv but cudnt find him, she called him it kept ringing, she left him a sms. Did he wait for me and checked if she had any missed calls or sms from him. She walked out of the airport looking for him but cudnt find him anywhere. The cabbies bothered her by asking where would she wanna go, then she thought what if Rajiv sent someone to pick her so she walked back to check if anyone carried her name board. Oh no, where the hell is he? What am i to do now? The sun had set and it started getting dark. Tears filled in her eyes she again tried his number .. this time it said not reachable

To be continued ....

So everytime I think, its been long and lemme write, out of no where something lands on me in blinking red " Priority" irrespective of it being office or home. How I wish I cud run away from priority and the never ending deadlines.  Need a break also sounds so cliche. Ufffff

Time to go a nice and warm head and feet massage ;)

Am back ...  :)

Am trying hard to let go and free myself, its just not happening :( have suddenly become so quiet, i really dunnno whats wrong :(

Roopesh asked me to hug or be with tht some1 who will listen/understand. Me thinking where will i find this person who will listen to this dumb gal. Even better ur idea of clearing my throat ...  this help buddy .. getting that yucky feeling off

Sid says am in love ... no da me in no love, is that the reason why i feel so??? me still wondering

Dew says cryyyyyyyyyy me to wanna cryyyy still searching for the tap of the water tank where my teras are stored ... hope the tank is not dried :(

Sunil says bear thorns for a while u'll find roses soon ... but when n where n how n why not now?

Febin asked to cry it out, m trying hard da .. n ya i did get myself involved in loads of work and u know what i did see my creative side .. infact my boss was suprised to see a "Think out of  BOX" me.

Manisha .. babes kya karu .. aattii nahi .. samne hai magar ye saali tears aattii nahi

Leo .. some1 close .. hmmmm, me too been searching whom can i talk to, share with, hug, ask and seek advice :(

Solo .. mere gul ke saath daasta is also missing ( my flowers along with the vaze is missing)

Ppl and me ask me why have i gone quiet .. I dunno ..

Thanks guys for ur kind words

Things are no longer the same. I dun feel I am the same person. Become so moody. Feel lost. Feel weird…  Can’t handle it anymore... Feel like a loser, helpless, sick, sad, lonely upset, waste. Feel like am losing ctrl over myself and my emotions. Get irritated with any and everything. Depression is sinking in me every moment. I am not even able to analyze what is happening with me. Saturated Weakness, Fear, Anxiety, have lost trust and faith in my self, very very very disturbed and feel very UGLY

I wanna cry … cry cry and just cry .. clear my mind, thoughts and take off that burden  from my heart and soul. Tried listening to sad songs, sad movies, sad tune, but have not been lucky with it either. A tear stops by and before it can roll down its all back where it started. I wish I knew the reason of my this state, its really difficult to be in this mind frame. Not able to figure out what has gone wrong, had an amazing week and a great weekend good time with friends, movie, and a day out with office colleagues, then why am I going thru this pain. I called mom, but didn’t have that guts to tell her what am going thru, called my sis cudnt tell her either .. I have had enuff of this disturbed state.  Can’t take it anymore... I feel am already reaching to the phase which is beyond repair. Wish I cud share what I been going thru … I WANNA CRY

Zindagi Ne Zindagi Bhar Gam Diye
Jitne Bhi Mausam Diye Sab Nam Diye

Dada miss ur palm over my head

Mama miss ur lectures and gyans

Lil sis miss d fights we have

Since I remember I was always afraid of horror movies or stories. But as my gang (read friends) was so fond of them I had no choice but ended watching or hearing horror stories. They wud rent a movie (famous ramsay movies) for which we had to put in our share and I wud watch the movie covering my eyes and peeping between my fingers. My friends often made fun of me saying it’s not a ghost its all plastic, its all made, its makeup. “Yeah Right”. That night I wud trouble my mom to the core, I wud hold my mom tight and sleep, still no go, I wud make her face me and sleep still no go, finally I wus say “Mama pls look at me and sleep” her reply “I can either look at u or sleep” “Mama pls for sometime” “ U gals during the day u watch those stupid movies and in the night u trouble me” The fear wud remain with me for few days so much that, I wud hesitate to move alone from one room to another. This didn’t end there, when we went for school/college camps if anyone wud start with a horror story, my walkman was always a rescue. (phew thank u god for inventing walkman). Later for exams/projects if had to sit late, I wud go to my mom with those typical scared puppy look and mom wud say “This is too much now” still wud some how convince her to be awake with me while I completed my task, if in between she starts dozing or tried to catch a wink, “ Mama pls .. I am getting scared” She hated my exams/project more than me … (Sorry Mama for all the trouble  ... Luv u Loads)

It was my 1^st office outing to a close by hill station; it was a nice decent bungalow surrounded by trees and greenery. We had a great evening and we were thru with our dinner. And as always, some1 started a horror story (Didn’t carry my walkman, Now how am I suppose to know that working ppl aren’t mature enuff and wud start something like this) “No horror stuff ok” They laughed at me, but just wudnt stop and the story was like ... Some friends just like us had gone for a picnic to a bungalow, it was night, it was dark outside, they heard a female singing faraway, just when they stepped out of the bungalow to search were the voice was coming from, they had a power cut. Suddenly Boom!! Lights went off, we had a power cut .. I cudnt see anyone, pitch dark. There were no candles, mobile phones then were too dim, 1 guy from the group found a small lantern, we asked him to light it asap. He kept trying but the matchstick just refused to burn. I yelled at him saying “Everyday when u fag this burns easily, now what’s happening?” I started panicking. Cud hear all weird sounds of wind, trees and a dog barking, I started crying and praying. My colleagues arnd me got scared too. “Chill, we’ll go to a shop a fetch some candles” “No one is stepping out of this place” I cried more loudly “Why did u start a story like this, U think it’s a joke. Lets go home right away, Yes, I wanna go home now  ... now. Pls take me home. Mama..” “If you want we’ll go home right now but to pack our things we need candles” “Is ur stuff imp or life” They tried hard to convince me, no go. We were all set to leave and then …. Light was back. Phew what a relief. Still I didn’t wanna wait at that place for a minute, I made the entire gang leave that place and we all headed back home. Back at work, everyone made fun of me. Ppl still remember me for that incident. My sis still teases me and says remember “Mama look at me and sleep”

My recent horror story exp was with aditya das menon... dude I was reading that blog at somewhere past midnight and u really scared me. Pls dun do that again.

Hehehe .. thats me

Thank you to all the lovely ppl for stopping by and dropping smiles in my kitty ...

Yippiee .. me full too beaming .. a colgate smile

My dad asked him to take him to his place and my dad blasted him and his parents. Back home I got the thrashing of my life; we never expected this from u and was being thrashed by dad's belt. I was crying not cos I was beaten black n blue cos I didn't know what will happen next. Will I ever get to see/ meet him? What must have happened at his place? Will he talk to me?   That night I spend in pain .. pain of not telling him that I always knew it that he liked me, pain of my expressing my self and letting him know that I too wanted to be with him? Pain of the incomplete hug and yes pain cos I was beaten.

My parents accompanied me wherever I went. We didn't meet or talk for few days. Every night I wud wait for him near the window. One night I seen him approaching and  was so glad to see him. My eyes were filled with tears but had this huge smile. He kept his palm on my cheek and Chubby I am there with you. I can foresee whats gonna follow. It was not a nice scene at my place either. Its late go to bed will cya tomo, for the 1 st time I reached out for and held his hand, don't worry remember am ur closest pal.

Next night he mentioned abt going to natice place for some family function till then it was also clear at my place abt dad's transfer I informed him abt the same. He was shocked asked me to convince my parents to stay back for studies sake. I knew this was not possible and didn't wanna upset him either and said will try my best. As decided earlier dad got transferred and had to leave immediately in a week's time. There was no means by which I cud reach him. I left a letter back with my friend with my new city add. I wrote to him several times but never heard from him. After months I recd a letter from him which read I have found a better babe pls dun bother me anymore. I cried for hours/days/nights. I had lost him.

Few years later I moved back to my city. Tried to locate him, our common friend, still no go. I no longer stayed near his bldg. There was no mean of reaching him. That time we didn’t have orkut, mobiles, sms, email add. Somehow managed to get thru him We met at Mcdonalds, sat there for hours, for one hr the only thing we spoke was what will u have. I looked at him, his eyes, it was a diff feeling tears in our eyes and  complete silence between us. He was a changed person, he had got into drinks, fags had become very rude and arrogant.  I told him u r no longer the same person, he said I can afford to be an emotional fool. Have learnt it the hard way. I told him ab the letter, he said never got it and neither he sent me any. Later got to know that my friend too liked him and she never gave my letter or my posted letters to him and she was the one who posted the letter on his behalf. He mentioned that had has loads of galfriends and asked me abt my love life. I kept my hand over his and I just cudnt stop my tears. Chubby now I cant hug u here and I burst out laughing .. Tears and a smile only u can have then both at one time. We met couple of times .. But cudnt bring back that old chap .. He still says u hair smells good.. Yeah I really miss him.  Had to leave that city again for job asked him to meet me at the ariport, but he cudnt reach the airport. I really wanted to complete that hug.

 Today he is very successful in his career, works in US and has all the possible luxuries  but his personal life ... Dun wanna even talk abt it. When I tell him dude its time u tir the knot and get settled he says ask urself 1st shud I marry?  We are now in touch thru emails sms chat calls. This was the latest sms I received from him

Sweetheart maybe we dun really have a relationship as the social world knows but yes u r in my mind and heart.

Guess u didn’t understand from the way I talk to u. Guess I've started liking you more since u left.

U r special believe in urself. Some1 stole this precious woman. Wish I cud rewind time. Yes wish u were here

Wud have held u tight close to me. Miss u Chubby .. Hey are u gonna ever hug me :)

........

Miss u too